almost a teenager

A godly girl trying to live a godly life can be so lonely sometimes. Even with a house full of people it can be difficult to know how you fit in to society. We all desire to be accepted and liked by more than just our personal family. I hate to say 'just' but let's be real, that is how we feel sometimes. I can't tell you how many times I told my mom, "I know you love me mom, but don't have any friends. I really want a friend! Someone who likes me and wants to spend time with me. Someone I can trust, who wont say they are my friend today and eat lunch with me but tomorrow go off with someone else and tease me expose everything I shared the day before."

I was a very lonely child.

 I was the kid who ate her lunch with her best friend (the school principal, Mr. Clay Dunaway) in the safety of the school office, even when he wasn't there.

The one who got beat up, literally. One of the times, on the school play ground, while a girl who came to my birthday party a short time before was the lookout to make sure the yard duty worker couldn't see!

The child who ran home from school in the middle of the day crying (thankfully we lived just a few blocks from the school) and when asked "Why didn't you just hit her back?!?" would not be able to answer. I just couldn't understand why or how someone would be so unkind?!

 I knew Jesus and had asked him into my heart when I was 5 years old. I asked him to be the Lord of my life and He said to love everyone. I knew he died for me and even at that young age, I knew he suffered more than I was. He said to turn the other cheek.... so I did. Why were my parents and older brothers (who are amazing godly examples by the way) asking me such a question? I couldn't understand it. These experiences continued sporadically through Jr. High.

I should have been home-schooled. 

My mom knows that now and we agree, but around my sophomore year in high school when she was contemplating it, I was already following the path God had laid before me and He was blessing it.

I don't regret not being home-schooled.  My Mom was amazing and did all she knew to do to protect me, but as we see through scripture over and over again; (What the devil meant for harm, God used for his glory). I am no Joseph of Egypt, but God has used my painful and lonely school years to make me the person I am today. He allowed those circumstances to happen in order to deepen my relationship with him and to show himself to me in such a tangible way as a child, that I could never be swayed as an adult. I know He is faithful. He is my best friend and through those circumstances I began to rely upon him as my true friend. I learned what true friendship really is. I learned how to BE a friend and expect nothing in return. To love unconditionally as he did. I read His words and knew He was talking to me, personally, as He is to everyone who seeks Him.

Sometimes being a 12 year old girl can be very lonely. My sweet daughter shared her heart with me yesterday and I am so thankful for her openness. I pray she will seek the comfort she needs from the Lord and receive the acceptance from Him as her truest and closest friend. As she matures thru the pain of loneliness I know she will develop a sensitivity and compassion for others that she could not have without having experienced this. As we suffer with Christ we are transformed more and more into His likeness. I love her and I know she knows it. I am excited for her to learn how to be there for others. But more importantly I am excited to see her grow closer to the Lord. She is never alone and never will be. Just knowing that can be helpful, but sometimes, you really just want a friend. Our Lord and I are here for her.

~I wrote this post about 2 years ago. That same teenager is now pushing 15 and I am happy to say she has many friends. It is so sweet to know we serve a God who cares so tenderly for us and meets our every need. Thank you Lord!

While my Trucker was away.

So, in January while my Trucker was on the road I decided to surprise him with a Master bedroom make over.

My hope was that it would serve as a haven when he returned and while he was away it could serve as a refreshing retreat for me. It was all a secret so I didn't post any specific updates while he was gone but now that he has been home for a while I thought I would share the transformation that took place.
Casualty.....My favorite hurricane lamp... Oh, well. Life goes on. :-)

He was gone for exactly 1 month and in that time I:
-gutted the Master Bedroom,
  changed the paint color,
touched up the ceiling paint,
painted the baseboards,
painted our door and trim for the first time since it was installed 4 years ago,
painted my pocket door to my Master Bath, refinished our armoire,
My little ones kept busy building forts and doing school in them.

painted a night stand dresser and small bookshelf,
created a new headboard for our bed out of fence railing,
 re-painted the bathroom,
 hung a toilet paper holder,
hung a new towel rack,
set up a new baby crib for our little one who has been sleeping in a pack'n play or with us in our bed for her first year.

The Crib was a birthday present from my parents who know how badly I have wanted one and Oh, we hung a new mirror (a Ross find again with my mom) that was the finishing touch to make our new room beautiful.

It was a labor of love. This make-over was infectious, had he been gone any longer, the whole house would have undergone a transformation. My high hopes for blessing him spilled out into the hallway and then into the guest bathroom where it has stalled. He ended up coming home much sooner than I had expected!

 To my great Joy!!!

However, the night before his arrival I felt like I had signed up for "Trading Spaces" the old TLC show where Ty Pennington got his start. I was up until 5 am putting the final coats of finish on the dressers outside and cleaning up the room for the 'Big Reveal'.

I am sure he was so happy to just be sleeping in his own real bed again after a month on the road in a Sleeper berth.

I remember asking myself while he was gone why I hadn't blessed him in this way before while he was here.

 I am sure there are so many reasons.

Distractions, priority shifts, and just the day to day struggle to get the basics done.

 I know that sleeping on an unmade bed in the middle of a freezing cold empty room, with plastic on half of it with painting supplies and tools on the other side wouldn't have gone over very well, especially for as long as I lived with it while working on this project. It made me want to do more though. I have so many little jobs that I keep putting off.

They really aren't that big in and of themselves but they seem Big. I am excited to chip away at all I have left undone due to this experience but I am much further along than I was before he left.

And now that he is home I am just Happier.