Today, busy, filled, wasted...

Today, it is a new day and it was a long day. I am having a hard time even summing up all that happened today. Time busy, time filled, time wasted, I think it had it all.

The busy and filled part was taken up with taking my almost Graduated son to the bank to open up his first checking account. This was a fun time together. How rewarding it was for him to take his first paycheck of the season into the bank and finally open up his own account. No co-signers needed! He is over 18 and going to be making steady money, I am so proud of him.

The wasted time was me scrolling. I hate it when I do that! It always amazes me how much time can go by staring at a screen. I want to be more purposeful and I need to set limits for myself of when I should and shouldn't check my phone. I am not so lost when it is on the computer though.

It was funny, while at the bank I was talking with the banker about how strange and amazing technology is. She was busy with my son and while we had some quiet moments waiting, I was able to get online and pay some bills. This was so helpful, but, once finished, if I let myself tap on some other icon, my time could have instantly been transferred from a profitable, purposeful action to a time sucking waste of energy and resources.

We are all caught in the gap, on that tight rope of keeping life in balance and our time on this earth dedicated to the glory of God. I am working on this. I will get a plan together. I have decided to turn off notifications for some of the more "busy and time sucking" apps and then, only visit them when I have scheduled a time to do so. That is where I will begin.

Feel free to ask and hold me accountable to this in the comment section below as I take a more deliberate look at where my moments are going. I don't want to lose or miss a single one of them!

 As I have typed this I have had to take a small break and savor the moment my sweet daughter chose to rub my feet. I am so blessed!!!

almost a teenager

A godly girl trying to live a godly life can be so lonely sometimes. Even with a house full of people it can be difficult to know how you fit in to society. We all desire to be accepted and liked by more than just our personal family. I hate to say 'just' but let's be real, that is how we feel sometimes. I can't tell you how many times I told my mom, "I know you love me mom, but don't have any friends. I really want a friend! Someone who likes me and wants to spend time with me. Someone I can trust, who wont say they are my friend today and eat lunch with me but tomorrow go off with someone else and tease me expose everything I shared the day before."

I was a very lonely child.

 I was the kid who ate her lunch with her best friend (the school principal, Mr. Clay Dunaway) in the safety of the school office, even when he wasn't there.

The one who got beat up, literally. One of the times, on the school play ground, while a girl who came to my birthday party a short time before was the lookout to make sure the yard duty worker couldn't see!

The child who ran home from school in the middle of the day crying (thankfully we lived just a few blocks from the school) and when asked "Why didn't you just hit her back?!?" would not be able to answer. I just couldn't understand why or how someone would be so unkind?!

 I knew Jesus and had asked him into my heart when I was 5 years old. I asked him to be the Lord of my life and He said to love everyone. I knew he died for me and even at that young age, I knew he suffered more than I was. He said to turn the other cheek.... so I did. Why were my parents and older brothers (who are amazing godly examples by the way) asking me such a question? I couldn't understand it. These experiences continued sporadically through Jr. High.

I should have been home-schooled. 

My mom knows that now and we agree, but around my sophomore year in high school when she was contemplating it, I was already following the path God had laid before me and He was blessing it.

I don't regret not being home-schooled.  My Mom was amazing and did all she knew to do to protect me, but as we see through scripture over and over again; (What the devil meant for harm, God used for his glory). I am no Joseph of Egypt, but God has used my painful and lonely school years to make me the person I am today. He allowed those circumstances to happen in order to deepen my relationship with him and to show himself to me in such a tangible way as a child, that I could never be swayed as an adult. I know He is faithful. He is my best friend and through those circumstances I began to rely upon him as my true friend. I learned what true friendship really is. I learned how to BE a friend and expect nothing in return. To love unconditionally as he did. I read His words and knew He was talking to me, personally, as He is to everyone who seeks Him.

Sometimes being a 12 year old girl can be very lonely. My sweet daughter shared her heart with me yesterday and I am so thankful for her openness. I pray she will seek the comfort she needs from the Lord and receive the acceptance from Him as her truest and closest friend. As she matures thru the pain of loneliness I know she will develop a sensitivity and compassion for others that she could not have without having experienced this. As we suffer with Christ we are transformed more and more into His likeness. I love her and I know she knows it. I am excited for her to learn how to be there for others. But more importantly I am excited to see her grow closer to the Lord. She is never alone and never will be. Just knowing that can be helpful, but sometimes, you really just want a friend. Our Lord and I are here for her.

~I wrote this post about 2 years ago. That same teenager is now pushing 15 and I am happy to say she has many friends. It is so sweet to know we serve a God who cares so tenderly for us and meets our every need. Thank you Lord!