I have a hope

Day 7 - I can't believe it has already been a week since we said good-bye at the bus stop. In some ways it seems like an eternity. I don't even know what to write this evening, there are so many things on my mind and so much happens in a day, how can I even scratch the surface? I am glad that God does not judge us based on what we remember or what we can communicate. I would be an utter failure. His Grace is enough. Thank you Lord.

I miss my trucker. I am sure some may tire of reading that sentiment, but those words will never convey the  un-fillable, gaping hole that there is in our lives when he is away. Last night I felt another pierce of pain in such a simple task. I needed to go wash the dishes. It was clean-up time after a lovely party and all the family (my children, their grandparents and the cousins) were all engrossed in different entertaining activities, playing outside, watching a Disney video, talking in groups of 2 and 3+, playing games at the dining room table, and some (men) on the couches watching the football game. That is where I instinctively headed holding my needy 9 month old and when I came to my senses looking at the bodies lounged there on the couch, my heart sank. He wasn't there. It wasn't that there weren't other willing hands available; they just weren't his..... I thought to myself....this is one of those moments. I miss his hands, I miss his arms.... so strong and ready to reach out and hold his sweet baby, even when she is squirmy and difficult. His arms ready to lend a hand when I need them or hold me when I need a hug, surprising me from behind and wrapping around me. I am so thankful I drank those moments in and smiled at him and leaned into him when he came close. Come home safely and quickly my love.

As I write this my oldest son came in and shared a verse the Lord gave him as he sat to read this evening. It is:

Jeremiah 31:17b "There is hope for your future, declares the Lord."

It reminds me of one of my favorite praise songs "I have a Hope" - Tommy Walker http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSbJtqYow3Q  This song has blessed me on so many occasions. If you listen to it you will hear a repeating phrase that just stays with you " There's still hope, for me today, cause the God of heaven Loves me." Just sing it, over and over and over. It is awesome. Let that truth sink in.......  There's still hope.......... for me today.......... cause the God of heaven loves me.